Let me just say, before anything else, how happy I feel to be in the place I am, right now. I’ve been working on growing as a business woman and as a person for the last couple of years, both of which have had their fair share of bumps in the road.
As I enter my "mid to late twenties," I think I've come to know myself quite well. I have a lot of good qualities; I'm kind and caring, a hard worker when it comes to something I'm passionate about, and generally an overall positive person. That being said, I've also come to know the not-so-attractive pieces too, which include extreme disorganization and tardiness, as well as two things I'm embarrassed to admit I struggle with often: jealousy and bitterness. I blame my Scorpio roots.
If I see someone accomplish an incredible goal, I'll be first in line to congratulate and encourage them. I'm happy for them, really, but I can feel the jealousy in the pit of my stomach, sitting there like a rotten sandwich. Why couldn't I have thought of that first? Why couldn't I have found the means and motivation to reach this goal myself? Will I ever feel as successful?
And then, the worst thought of them all: I wish I had their life instead of mine.
In a technological world where people have the option of sharing what they want us to see (and withholding what they don't), it's easy to feel like you're falling behind. We are so quick to forget that we're privy only to small pieces of others' lives, and why would anyone want those pieces to be ugly?
Left out are the mistakes and the struggles, and let me tell you, everyone has them.
Those beautiful photos I post? There are dozens of others marked as "rejects" that will never, ever see the light of day. Sometimes I'll only get one picture I'm happy with, after an entire hour. And the knitwear itself? I didn't just whip up each piece out of thin air with ease and grace. Those hats and scarves and cowls have hours of planning and design and work behind them. I have sat on the ground, teary-eyed in a pile of dead, torn-out knitwear dreams, thinking I'll never make something new I'm happy with ever again.
It's during times like these, when we're feeling discouraged and defeated and vulnerable, that we can easily slip into a state of jealousy.
Why am I failing when others are so easily succeeding? Why am I going backwards while everyone else is making progress in leaps and bounds? It's a slippery slope, and one that I end up having to clamber my way back up all too often.
Accepting where you are when it's not where you want to be, that's difficult. Accepting where you are when it's not where you want to be, while simultaneously watching others find success and happiness? That's even harder. This is the challenge I have been fighting to overcome.
Now if I find myself falling into any kind of mental despair pit, I try my best to catch those negative thoughts before they get the best of me. I am learning (ever so slowly) to accept things as they are.
Just because someone else finds success, doesn't mean there's less success for you.
Just because someone else creates something beautiful, doesn't mean you can't as well.
Just because someone else reaches their goal, doesn't mean you won't reach your own.
Determination and motivation are a lot healthier for the soul than jealousy is.
Tomorrow: my old friend, Bitterness.
Hello friends, I'm Kelly! I'm a 27-year-old cozy enthusiast who loves creating things with yarn, exploring the beauty of nature, and eating Brooklyn style pizza.